Breathe

Before listening to the song Breathe I had oreviously heard of the musical In The Heigthts because some of the songs went viral on tik tok, but I never watched the film. Immedietly I noticed that I assumed I wasnt going to resonate with the song just because I dont typically watch musicals, but it turns out I did loosly relate to the song. Althouh I havent left home and came back, I have felt the fear of dissapointing my loved ones who I know expect success out of me. This isnt a forced or negative expectations, my family has just thought highly of me since a young age and as much as I admire this, it does instill a fear that I am not doing enough. Especially when I did not finish community college in the 2 years that I wanted to, causing me to start university late. I purposefuly didnt update them mcub and would avoid conversations about school so they would assume I was doing well, explaining to them why I am still in school is something I never wanted to face. However it was mostly in my head because my family still respects the education path I am taking. It is easy, at least for me, to feel I'm not doing enough and at the same time feel like your struggle is not recognized. 

Although not a piece of media, this reminds me of a real life connection I made with a stranger. This is so random but about a month ago I was getting my phone fixed by some guy who owned a technology repair store. Instead of just dropping my phone off I stayed and sat with him while he fixed my screen because he said it would only take about 20 minutes, although this time was extended due to our conversation. While telling me about himself he told me he is from Turkey and he came to America, specifically Boston, to go to college. His parents sent him and his brother with enough money to pay their tuition and livig expenses. Clearly they had lots of faith in their children to put that much money into their future. The guy fixing my phone never actually attended college and used to money to get further in his career in technology and now has multiple locations accross the east coast. This differs because his parents still to this day think he graduated because he took pictures in his friends gown. This goes to show even years later with much success, he is still is experiencing that fear of his parents knowing he didnt meet up to their expectations in the way they assumed. I told him he should tell them one day to see their reaction, maybe theyd still be proud?